12 4 / 2013

I’m mostly just sad for myself, that I lost a friend, a collaborator and one of the people who make the world a better place.

He gave me one of his compliments in the style that he always did — he one day out of the blue told me that I was the kind of person that other people followed because I had such high expectations. He also said that my expectations were impossible and infurating. But, that I shouldn’t stop having high expectations because it meant that we all accomplished better things together.

I didn’t take him completely seriously, and heard the cry for “quit working me to the bone” in there. :)  It was still a nice thing to hear when I was feeling like I had utterly failed by quitting Open Source Bridge.

He was like that - noticing when people were really at the end of their rope and saying something truthful, but kind.

10 4 / 2013

I am sad, but I am ok. Reading twitter is heartbreaking. Igal was a close friend for a couple years, and then I only ran into him occassionally over the last couple of years.

He was such a kind, talented, loving person. He grew up in Israel and moved to the US. He said never really got over this sense of displacement.

My husband had a long conversation with him one night last year. That’s the last time we saw each other.

I feel so terrible that I wasn’t a better friend to him. I know he had his own reasons and he’s a smart person. I hope he made the right choice for himself. It so makes our world poorer.

I just feel trivial and small.

27 11 / 2012

I’ve learned that:

  • I don’t like standing up the way that most people do
  • I remember things better when I write them down (but I knew that before)
  • Redos on major muscle groups hurt and are hard and take a long time

So, I did my assessment of stuff today and will be re-assessed on progress in about 5 weeks. Just in time for Christmas!

I’ve got some sweet xrays now, and more of an appreciation of what it means when my feet fall asleep while running (in brief: not good).

Twice a week I’ll go in for workouts, and I’ve got a list of things to do every day. Involving one of those foam roller things to try and loosen up muscle groups that are always sore from overuse. Turns out, if the roller doesn’t hurt, you’re probably not using those muscles. Welcome to the entire back of my body! Woo!

How is it that I lost most of my balance on the right side of my body and sort of didn’t notice? My left-hand side pretty much took up the slack. Magic.

And that stuff about your core muscles needing to do more work? The result of not using your core muscles, for me anyway, is that all the muscles on the front part of my body decided to take over. Making me unbalanced and unable to, without a lot of concentration, use muscles in my, say, hips.

05 11 / 2012

robdelaney:

I’m doing an experiment. If you have Twitter, would you please RT this tweet? https://twitter.com/robdelaney/status/265641093616504832

This.

robdelaney:

I’m doing an experiment. If you have Twitter, would you please RT this tweet? https://twitter.com/robdelaney/status/265641093616504832

This.

27 10 / 2012

Trying to systematize housework is the worst.

I have several books about routines and cleaning but none of it sticks. I
am trying to think of it like cooking - with ingredients and recipes and
certain kinds of feelings-based alchemy to get it all done. Still not
working.

So today is laundry and TAL day, and sorting of the bills.

Earlier today, I met up with three women to work on our homework for the
Coursera class for interactive python. I got reacquainted with logarithms
and reminded how much math is assumed for these classes.

Trying to systematize housework is the worst.

I have several books about routines and cleaning but none of it sticks. I
am trying to think of it like cooking - with ingredients and recipes and
certain kinds of feelings-based alchemy to get it all done. Still not
working.

So today is laundry and TAL day, and sorting of the bills.

Earlier today, I met up with three women to work on our homework for the
Coursera class for interactive python. I got reacquainted with logarithms
and reminded how much math is assumed for these classes.

17 10 / 2012

bindersfullofwomen:

Fat bastard on equal employment issues…

bindersfullofwomen:

Fat bastard on equal employment issues…

08 10 / 2012

On day it’s ‘true’, the next ‘hirtellius’. Or ‘hamartia’.

I used to pride myself in knowing every word. No longer!

It’s week 3 at Mozilla and things are good. I am settling into a rhythm. My
list of things to do is already pretty long. I have fixed a few problems
and have a pretty good understanding of Socorro’s schema. Git workflow for
me is still not so natural. Other teams I’ve worked with use far fewer
features than I’ve learned in the last week.

Over the weekend, I shored up my bike gear - batteries for lights and
cleaning out of old bags of gloves. I also dusted off my sewing machine,
and finished a curtain. High on the victory, I went out and got more
curtain fabric, and made a new knitting needle holder from old remnants. I
also finished my first hat of the season. That was Sunday.

Saturday, I took a long walk, saw a very bad movie, upgraded my irc host,
and tackled a couple patches for PostgreSQL. One was a bugfix I hope I can
convince someone we need, and the other was a syntax checker patch review.
I just found out about pg_indent, and tried unsuccessfully to use it. I
will take another crack at it this morning, hopefully wrapping up my review
of that patch.

01 10 / 2012

Back at home walking to the store for the first time in 8 weeks.  Feels
good.

I finished a small knitting project, and washed some clothes. Next, need to
find all the rest of my knitting needles, and dye the curtains. This
weekend a new exhibit opens at the museum, and I have another talk to write.

We are back to making dinner at home and had a movie night last weekend. It
is so warm we will probably end up with another movie night this weekend. I
feel like I missed out on the Portland summer again, and its a bit sad.
Next year, we’ll be sticking around.

Back at home walking to the store for the first time in 8 weeks. Feels
good.

I finished a small knitting project, and washed some clothes. Next, need to
find all the rest of my knitting needles, and dye the curtains. This
weekend a new exhibit opens at the museum, and I have another talk to write.

We are back to making dinner at home and had a movie night last weekend. It
is so warm we will probably end up with another movie night this weekend. I
feel like I missed out on the Portland summer again, and its a bit sad.
Next year, we’ll be sticking around.

26 9 / 2012

What we wanted from an anarchofeminist collective. And I just realized: I
want a place to tell stories where no one is going to call me a fucking
liar.

26 9 / 2012

I hesitated to share this, only because I am getting fatigued with the
arguments made in the comments on this post, and a relate one from the
sister of the author. Fortunately, I don’t get many comments here :)

I was reminded recently that even people who believe in theory in equality
will make horrifying comments about pregnancy and maternity leave. My
experience over the last two years has consistently been that the tech
world has a strong bias against children: the helpless, just-born and
yet-to-be-born kind.

On way that bias comes out is in disparaging comments about maternity leave
(increasing the guilt of women who already feel that in some way they do
not deserve time off after giving birth), complaints about the behavior of
parents who care for their children, and a painful lack of regard for the
people who do sacrifice a great deal to raise our children.

When I hear these comments, I find myself backing away, finding something
else to talk about. I don’t have the energy to argue about this anymore,
and I am saddened by the lack of compassion among my friends.

There are no perfect solutions.